Month: October 2021

Dear Bang Energy,

You’re the best part of my day.

You make sleepiness go away.

I hope that you will stay.

I’m writing just to say hey.

But seriously, I love Bang Energy. Nothing gets me going like a can of Rainbow Unicorn or Radical Skadattle. It’s amazing how well it works for me. I don’t feel hyped up or jittery, just… awake and alert. I work for a software company building web apps for clients, and I’m happy to say that all the apps I build are powered by Bang.

A couple of weeks ago, I ran out of Bang and I tried a competitor (please forgive me, I’m so sorry) and it just wasn’t the same. Sure, I was alert, but I felt jittery and weird. Plus the flavor I picked tasted super chemically, kind of like chewing on a latex glove. I regretted my decision and ran out to Costco for more Bang and all was right with the world again.

Anyway, thanks for keeping millions of GenXers and Millenials like myself caffeinated and moving. Life is tough, but Bang makes it easier.

Never. Change.

-James

To the fine folks at Bon Appetit Bakery,

You have my heart.

You have my soul.

Your apple danish makes me whole.

Every Friday I head over to the local Wawa for a breakfast burrito. While that burrito is close to being the highlight of my week, it’s not quite in the top spot. You see, my local Wawa carries Bon Appetit products, and I typically get an apple danish to go along with my breakfast burrito as a treat for making it through the week. If it were socially acceptable for me to skip the burrito entirely and just get the danish, well, you know where this is going. One time, Wawa didn’t have the apple danish, and I was so sad. It was like discovering a lost little puppy, taking it in, falling in love with it, only to have the original owner show up at your door and ask for the puppy back. Immense sadness. Hopelessness. Crushing defeat.

But wait, what is this? A LEMON CREME DANISH?????? Oh Lawd, you get me. You get the inner fattie in all of us. Please, never change.

 

Sincerely,

 

An Eater of Delicious Baked Goods aka James Gamble