Colossians 3:21 CSB – Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.
As the father of two boys, this verse stays close to my mind because I see how fragile and formative these early years are. Anneke and I talk often about how to parent in a way that protects their spirits rather than breaks them, because we want them to grow into steady and confident adults. We’ve both seen examples of parents who kept their children under such control that the kids never learned how to think for themselves or stand on their own once they grew older. We want something different for our boys. We want an environment that encourages them, strengthens them, and makes them feel safe enough to share anything with us, even when the topic feels awkward or taboo. That kind of trust takes time and intentional effort, and we both feel the weight of that responsibility.
We’re still learning how to strike a balance between discipline and freedom, because children need both structure and space to grow well. We don’t want to be parents who crush their confidence through unnecessary strictness, and we also don’t want to raise children who feel free to walk all over us in the name of independence. When our boys are grown, we want them to choose to spend time with us and to value the relationship we built with them during their formative years. To move toward that goal, we try to include them in the ordinary parts of our lives, such as loading the dishwasher or cleaning the bathroom. These simple activities help them feel connected to us, and by drawing them into our mundane routines, we hope to build a foundation that encourages them to include us in their own lives later on. Anneke excels at this naturally, and I’m learning from her example.
I’ll admit that I still have moments when I get rushed and push Jack away when he wants to help, not because I don’t want his involvement, but because I let urgency take over. Six months ago, I pushed him away almost every time, and now it happens far less often, maybe one time out of four. That progress gives me hope, and it teaches me patience I didn’t know I was capable of. The more I slow down and allow him into the process, the more I realize that these moments shape him as much as any formal lesson ever could. God calls fathers to avoid exasperating their children, because discouragement can take root easily in young hearts. I’m learning each day how to honor that calling, and I’m thankful for the grace that meets me in the spaces where I’m still growing.