Dear Mr. Mann – RaceTrac

Dear RaceTrac,

A few days ago, I was on my way to the horse track to lose some money on a “winner” named Jolt. I had received the tip from a “friend” of mine named Big Tim, but I don’t think he knows much about horses because he calls them all ponies. I was a little sleep-deprived at the time, so I didn’t catch onto his lack of knowledge, my bad. Anyway, on the way to the track, I needed some gas and pulled into a RaceTrac location that’s close to my house, but I hadn’t ever had the opportunity to check out. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that RaceTrac offers Ethanol Free gas… I love me some corn, but I’d rather eat it than use it to power my go-mobile, if you catch my drift.

I went inside the store to pick up some Monsters and some lottery tickets. I like to pick up lotto tickets (scratchers) before going to the horse track because even if I lose at the track, I usually win something on the scratcher. On my way over to the Monsters, I stumbled across a… FROZEN YOGURT station! AMAZING. And it was cheap too… So cheap that I ditched the idea of getting Monsters and blew my caffeine money on some delicious delicious froyo. I don’t know about you guys, but froyo is like, the best thing in the world. It’s… life-affirming.

I sat outside on a nice bench and ate my froyo and considered my life’s choices. I’d been going to the horse track for years, and Big Tim (who is also my therapist), said “Hey James, you know what you need to do? You need to get one of them regular office jobs. You feel me?” Yes, Big Tim, I feel you, yes indeed. See, Big Tim knows a little about life and how to live it. He also knows a great deal about avocados for some reason. Big Tim is a renaissance man. But, I digress.

Big Tim had a point, I needed one of them regular office jobs. So I started applying and I’m happy to say that after four days I’ve submitted three applications. My life is getting back on track. And all thanks to froyo.

…And Big Tim…

…And I guess RaceTrac too…


Ya Boo, James Gamble