I do not know what to feel
Only that I do not think I will heal
My soul is dented, weary, and brittle
It is hard to know we lost another little
My wife and I cry and shake
This is a choice we chose to make
To try again and to hold on to hope
As a means of helping each other cope
Anger comes easily to my mind
It is not in my nature to be unkind
So, I lock it all down waiting for time
To do its healing and let me shine
We will try again because we can’t not
We will be careful and give it more thought
We will take care to do things right
Hopefully, our child will see the light
Until then we will grieve and mourn
Hurting for the child that left us, unborn
One day we hope to be reunited
Together, whole, and undivided
Loss was written as a first attempt to help me cope with the loss of a child. My wife and I miscarried in October of 2019 and while we were still grieving from that, my wife got pregnant again, but we lost a second child in January of 2020. During the first miscarriage, the only emotion I could feel was sadness. Sadness like I had never felt before. However, during the second miscarriage, I still had the same level of sadness, but I also had to contend with a great deal of anger. Why us? Why do we have to go through this again? Will we ever be able to have children? This gut-wrenching, soul tearing loss still eats at me, even now, in July of 2021 (as I write this). There is a happy ending though. We have a child now, Jack, who is nearly six months old. We love him so much and we are so thankful for him. This poem (Loss) serves as a reminder of how hard that time in our lives was. There are a lot of poems in this collection that were written during that time. Writing, in a very profound way, helped me to get over the sadness and anger that I felt. Rereading poems written during that sad time is tough, but also fulfilling because I am reminded of how far we have come.