Dear Mr. Mann – Angel Soft

Originally written January of 2007

Toilet tissue may be an embarrassing topic, but I think I’m willing to tackle it because I just love your product so darn much. Several years ago when I still lived with my parents, my mother would buy the cheapest toilet tissue she could find. Needless to say, the bark in it as it wasn’t too friendly on my tender regions. When I moved out on my own, I tried a few different brands and then I discovered Angel Soft. The first time I used it I swear I heard an angel choir off in the distance. It was either that or my wacky neighbor who had an odd habit of making up his own words to the Jeopardy theme song and signing them loudly (The walls were very thin).

After several months of using your product, I convinced my mother to switch from the sand paper she had been using to Angel Soft. At first she was hesitant (Angel Soft costs a bit more than the brand she was using), but after giving her a plethora of coupons and bribing her with a free bathroom cleaning on my part, she gave it a try. After a few weeks, both my mother and father were singing my praises (Just like angels… I know, lame joke, but I couldn’t resist) and even offered to take me out to dinner… all for saving their rear ends from redness.

So to all of you Angel soft folks, thank you. I know that it can sometimes be a thankless job (working for a toilet tissue company and all) but what you do saves thousands of buttocks a year which in turn keeps them from walking with a funny limp.

God speed Angel Soft… God speed…



P.S. – I thought I’d leave you with a little joke:

Q: What’s dumb?

A: Instructions on toilet paper.

Q: What’s dumber than that?

A: Reading them.

Q: What’s even dumber?

A: Reading them and learning something.

Q: What’s dumbest of all?

A: Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.