Dear Mr. Mann – Arbys

Originally written December 21st, 2007

Dear Arbys,

Let me tell you a story…

It was 1PM and I just woke up for the day (No, I’m not a slacker, I worked the previous night) and my hotel room didn’t have much in the way of edibles. Well, unless you count the vanilla scented soap that was in the bathroom (It sure smelled good). Otherwise, I was out of luck. With a sense of hunger in my stomach and a sense of adventure in my heart, I got dressed and headed out to find something to eat.

Out on the road I saw the same old things I was use to at home; Chili’s, Bennigan’s, Wendy’s, but none sounded good. I wanted something different. I wanted something that would make me thing “this is the best thing, EVER”. After driving for a few minutes, I finally saw it. The golden arches! And right behind them was an Arby’s.

I pulled into the drive-thru to look at the menu and was amazed. I didn’t recognize anything! Since my company was paying for all of my expenses, I could get whatever I wanted. I yearned to sit there and take my time with the menu, but there was some guy behind me in a redneck truck and he had the nerve to honk his horn at me. Since I’m not one to start any fights (I’m a lover, not a fighter) I just ordered two of the first things I saw on the menu; two Beef & Cheddar sandwiches. I pulled around, paid, and went back to my room.

Once I was in my room, I opened the bag and took a timid bite because I wasn’t sure if the sandwich would suck or not. It didn’t. And now I’m in love with them. If I could blend them up and inject them directly into my bloodstream, I would. They’re that good. They’re so good, too good, that I’m now addicted like a crack head is addicted to, well, crack. Thanks to you, I have to get a hit of your Beef & Cheddar and least three times a week. If I don’t my hands start to shake and I begin to sing 80’s power ballads at the top of my lungs (EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN!).

In closing, let me just say, thank you. Thank you for my new beefy and cheedery addiction. I will be forever indebted to your restaurant.